Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
