I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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