I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize