The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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