p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
