I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize