Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
