remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You smell like stripper and shame
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
