My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
