My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
