I only kidnapped one of them. chill
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
