I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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