This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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