When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I AM VODKA MAN
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize