i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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