when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
