Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
