Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
