Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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