well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
