Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
