we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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