is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
