we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm at about main and main street
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
