we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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