You smell like stripper and shame
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
