dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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