Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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