He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
