why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
