Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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