Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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