mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My penis needs a shock collar
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
