My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
