what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What a dumb baby whore.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
