apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
