Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
