i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
