Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
