Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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