I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
