Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
