i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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