based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
