I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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