Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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