piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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