just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
