Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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