He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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