fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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