So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
