If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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