Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
