is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
we're so committed to being not committed
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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