I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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