You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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