I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
