if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
