Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Pants are for mortals
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize