Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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