Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
