chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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