I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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