ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
