I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
