I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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