Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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